Many Cows, 2 Cream Teas and a Car Wash.

Last Sunday I took my wife and daughter to Barnstaple in North Devon. It was a trip down memory lane as we lunched at the Nobody Inn at Doddiscombsleigh on the Sunday. I last went there 43 years ago and on leaving the owner said she hoped to see me again before 2063. The place had been extended and the Eastern European waitress did not quite go with the ‘ ooh aah ‘ that I remembered on my last visit.

Post lunch we popped into nearby Exeter where almost everything was shut from the 1100 year old Cathedral to 11 year old shops. Covid 19 had won the day and only the parking meters were taking any money. We could not stay long and made our way to Barnstaple to stay the night. The Beach hotel at Saunton Sands was fully booked and we ended staying at the sister hotel in town. The Hotel was fabulous, Covid 19 perfect sanitised at every step of the one way and our Romanian waitress even conjured up a great cream tea with that real Devon cream that made the place legendary.

The car had been parked in the overnight open car park and the sea gulls must have used it for target practice as it was covered next morning in the proverbial. My wife recalled seeing a car wash and we quickly made our way there. I was descended upon by 10 men who were fabulous, diligent and detailed to the max as they washed that car to the max. The men were friendly from Iraq, Syria, Bosnia and everywhere but Devon. They charged £10 for a job that costs £30 in London and when I gave them a tip they returned to give it three more dust overs.

Moving on to the beach we all socially distanced, very easy when the beach is two miles long and at times of tide a mile wide. The Hotel that overlooks it was owned by a man I once did business with ( now deceased ) but I met his wonderful grandson who remembered our dealings and gave me coffee on the Terrace. It was so good we stayed for lunch. The waitress probably from Ukraine or somewhere where they don’t smile presented the bill announcing ‘ Your Government are treating you ‘. I had no idea it was Monday and we had been given £30 discount courtesy of Rishi Sunak. The waitress pronounced it in such a way I wondered whether she resented me or our Government or did she want the giveaway in an equivalent tip. I said in surprise ‘ don’t worry i will add 15% to the bill ‘ , when she told me in that drawl ‘ cash please we don’t get it ‘. I told her that we don’t have cash and it had to go on the card. ‘ Ok she said you can tap it ‘ , Ukrainian for contactless.

We stayed one more night had another giveaway dinner and retuned next morning. It was a short but interesting break. It was clear that all the Blair immigrants had gone to the West Country there was never going to be that ‘ ooh aah ‘ again , the cow was still producing the cream but it was now the land of pigeon English , massive sea gulls that discharge from a great height and terrific beaches. Somehow all felt good , these guys were the new Britain who were all working to make it a Better Britain. After all the original immigrants had come from Italy in the form of Romans to build the towns and roads, the Normans to build the Cathedrals and so on, these people were all post Brexit Britain amazed they were in a land whose Government paid you to eat, treated the obese for zilch at the the NHS and paid resident people if they didn’t work.

They were happy to try join the club and who could blame them, we had helped bombed their homes flat and were the real reason they had come. They were homesick and frankly we are lucky to have them here. The English language may disappear if I go back in 40 years as certainly the ‘ ooh aah ‘ already has.

Meantime I never made it to sit in the sun I was too busy in the I phone calls, mails and texts. Someone has to pay even the discounted bills. Don’t worry be assured that the bill that is coming post Covid19 is bigger than any of us will expect and all of us will have to pay.