Three years ago I took on an enormous problem to solve for others. The Hill to climb was gigantic and there was little chance of success . No one could achieve the task, the solution was like trying to reach Mars on a bicycle. It was the mother of all Rubic cubes. I had to run teams of people all at odds with each other, pulling at both ends of ropes and I had to find the middle.
Day and night , sleepless nights and napping days I trolled , ploughed going six steps forward ten steps back, one hundred steps forward then back to the beginning. Budgets swelled , greed enveloped , anger anchored , yet I had to compose the orchestra of calm. Deals agreed then reneged for a thread more a morsel of mere more. It was relentless 24 x 7 , no surrender black flags and not a chequered one in sight.
Then after three years of hell making Jarndyce v Jarndyce like a parking infringement I got there I reached my goal and it was all over, finished , ended, terminal , destination reached, end of the line. Someone invited me for a drink to celebrate but I could only think of a mug of tea in a rotten cafe. Alone I made my way to a station and mixed with massing crowds. My insignificance reigned down on me and suddenly I felt lost. At the moment I had longed for I was like a deflated balloon . The train ran on the rails of reality and I sank further and further in the dark tunnels of my mind. Collected at my end station I couldn’t speak, declining another drink but just wanting to go home and hide.,
By now the world knew yet I felt very sad and though my goal achieved the net was empty and that was it. My phone rang with the offer of a new mountain to climb but I looked upon it with disdain. I slept badly and woke at my usual hour at 4. Suddenly it hit me it was over I had won, I had done it but such an anti climax. I wondered if the psychology of anti climax and found a Readers Digest article on the internet. Others had been there and it was sad that I felt desperately sad. I argued with my wife for no reason and the feeling was horrible. I decided to write this blog and paper my position , lonely , sad , isolated in insignificance as I finally realised that I had wasted three years of my life on nothing. Anti-Climax is real it’s ugly and it’s out there like a fake. Our strive ambition and thoughts of what would please deceive us . For some who have sold their being to this it will be too late but for those that have yet to meet the imposter seek not victory , avoid conquer and find your peace in the simple and stick to it, cherish every moment for it is you that won.
qbitblogger 