It’s not her fault.

My 90 year old mother in law lies in her bed, talking, moaning, jabbering away, appears in discomfort but isn’t for any external reason. It’s 2.00 am , she has dementia. It’s not her fault for 85 years she has contributed immensely to life , raised her four children made her way in society and helped fund her NHS on whom she now looks to.

Her brain has in her latter years let her down, those chemical changes defeated sanity and left her in this night of plight. It’s not her fault there is little that can be done, kindness and love towards her we are not sure are seen by her, the mother known is now a stranger but she’s still Mum.

The four siblings take weekly turns of looking after her not because it’s pass the parcel but we are all trying to cope and cope at Covid. We are all locked down but my mother in law is locked in. I bought her favourite ginger nut biscuit knowing she was coming, it was our turn, my daughter cooked her favourite dish, my son wheeled her in from the car and my wife battled to serve her every need. Culture will not lock her away in a home to visit we are all trying to do our bit. She helped the siblings when they were young and now it’s our turn.

Alzheimer’s disease sits under the umbrella of dementia, a neurological disorder that supposedly one can spot 10 years before it arrives. 90 is a fine and noble age but it looks like suffering though do we really know. Her rare smile is worth waiting for and her presence better than her absence but nevertheless it’s in all honesty a challenge.

The question is can any of us do more can medicine find a cure , can mother in law stop her noise. It’s not her fault and above all , that we must remember. Her mind wanders to her youth , she thinks she’s there and that’s good I reckon but I don’t know. I know only one thing it’s not her fault. She needs a nappy she needs help , from able she has journeyed to unable from health to hopelessness. She can’t tell us how she feels, she can’t share with fellow sufferers her plight she is alone and it’s not her fault.

This is one of the declines of life one of the roads that 850,000 in the UK have taken in their latter years 1 in 14 people and by 2040 there are expected to be 1.4 million sufferers. One day I may not be able to read my own blog but maybe by then we will have a cure. It’s 3.00 am she whimpers along fading I think to sleep , it’s not her fault. Tomorrow is another day but she may not recognise it. We don’t know but what we do know is that it’s not her fault.

The family lies in silence the siblings get their rest elsewhere and prepare for their turn and to do their best. It’s a family effort to honour their mother and it’s the very least. Father went ahead twenty years before , leaving Mum alone and it’s sad, it’s life but it’s not her fault.