Letter home to Mum and Dad

Dear Mum and Dad

I realise it’s been over 20 years since we last spoke but I wanted to drop you both a line to tell you what’s been happening.

Things got worse when you left. We were all supposedly richer but taxes rose and the price of bread and water escalated and the Water Board kept pouring sewage in the mix. A thing called Social Media connected people but everyone felt alone and dinner parties ended before they started. We could watch thousands of channels on TV and the BBC went haywire as a football commentator took over running place ( no not Jimmy Hill ).

Churches emptied throughout Britain and the price of candles dropped as less got lit. Footballers played on green carpets and there was no more mud. The players were paid a fortune but none of us were fortunate. You remember the half time hot dog Dad and Bovril chaser.

The streets of London got narrower and slower to travel and the Mayor in an act of freedom decided to charge people for moving around the City. For over two years everywhere shut down and the Government paid everyone to stay indoors. Mum and Dad you would have loved that rest from work but now no one wants to go back.

Boats cross the Channel daily ( not not the Calais ferry ) but full off people from all over the world clambering to get in. Of course we can’t home everyone and people can’t afford homes anyway. Your old house sold for 100 times more than what you paid for it 60 years and we wondered why you didn’t buy next door when you were at it.

Despite that we are all well and living longer. We are of course not reproducing as prodigiously as you did and the family name could disappear at any moment. Never mind I say as it’s getting uglier and costlier down here and we are all in doubt as to what gender we are as the liberals keeping seeing the issues in our minds. The schools are crumbling with concrete problems and the Government are no longer set in their ways. You remember High Alumina Cement ( similar).

Mum the shops are closing more than emptying and online shopping is the rage ( no not the washing on the line, online , it’s called the internet). The Americans are having a tough time trying to stop really old men from entering the White House and they are trying to stop that by imprisoning them.

Anyway hope to see you both again soon. I hear it’s great up there and it needs to be if we are going to spend eternity there. We have an Indian Prime Minister here in Britain and Ireland and their corner shops no longer exist. India just reached the Moon and the Americans are going back there too soon. Everyone fears the change in climate but something going to take us all out one day so we may as well enjoy it while we can.

Much love , your old son.

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